Miscellany – Issue 32

‘I’ CANDY (or technology and other sweeties)

A box of Philosophical chocolates wherein you know pretty much what you are going to get (a bit like listening to a Tory talk like a socialist suddenly, on the eve of an election)

Single Layer edition:

  1. Pantheist Cluster – A blend of wholly believable tastes that leave a sharp afterburn on the tongue.
  2. Too Busy Whirl – An apparently sweet rush that can make you dizzy with pleasure or pain, depending on your palate.
  3. Stoical Vanilla – An even and understated flavour sensation that can deliver a definite sense of pleasure without the paraphernalia of excitement and disappointment.
  4. Instant Gratification Cup – Offers an instant sugar rush and its flavour disappears faster than a wad of chewing gum’s on the bedpost.
  5. Nihilist Log – A puzzling blend of something and nothing. You should cocoa!
  6. Bermuda Triangle – Yes, everyone’s favourite that has everyone wondering where the chocolate disappeared. Still in its iconic green wrapper.

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The Dream Factory has reported the release of its app(lication) that will make your sleeping much more efficient.

The app, which asks for permission to access every part of your psyche – along with  your mobile tracking device – will initially empty your head of all thought. This approach will guarantee there’s no possible distraction to your obtaining efficacious unconsciousness.

As a result your sleep will be 99.99%* REM and purely productive while you are otherwise worthless to the project.†

*Legal obligation to disclaim impossible.

†You know what they mean.

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Semantic Scientific Technologies Industries has formulated another spurious app(lication) that will help ease the pain of the modern-world.

App Ointment is a salve* designed by specialists, to soothe any rash acquisition of insignificant and spurious technological accoutrements.

It is not to be applied to eyesores and via orifices that you may need to think and talk through.

*Is available in physical form as a visceral white goo, or as an electronic download directly through a device of SSTI’s choosing.

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