B

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BANK HOLIDAY

a) Used as a day of mourning by employers and capitalists. It is slowly becoming obsolete.

b) Vacationing inside a financial institution.

c) (US) A day on which Satan is worshipped by the feckless proletariat.

BASIC

Profound nausea akin to sea-sickness brought on by watching Pamela Anderson’s breasts joggle up and down

BEER CAN

(West Indies) Bacon.

BELL END

a) The merciful silence after a bout of over-activity from campanologists.

b) The tip of a clapper.

BELL-BOTTOMED

(Derog.) Person with a behind the size of Big Ben.

BELLY

a) (Med.) Similar or related to a ‘ringing’ in the head. Not like tinnitus.

b) (Joc.) Of or pertaining to a bell.

BELLY DANCING

Involuntary movements caused by ringing in the head. (see ‘Belly’)

BERATE

A commodification of existence.

BERMUDA SHORTS

Comically oversized summer pants wherein scientific sight of one’s vitals can be lost.

BILIOUS

a) Acting the goat.
b) A mild concussion brought on by eating too much rubbish.

BLIZZARD

A wintry warlock

BLOWING YOUR OWN TRUMPET

a) Behaving like a right King Cnut.

b) (vulg.) Pleasing oneself.

c) (socio-political) Self-promotion by someone unable to afford servants.

BOB-A-JOB

A now obsolete term for work avoidance. First coined when a bloke called Rob Thestate used to get out of accepting a job offer by repeated fainting and then claiming loss of memory. He was finally thwarted when they offered to give his Giro to charity because ‘no-one called Bob had turned up to sign on’.

BONE CHINA

(v. vulg.) Pathological disorder of over-ambitious Casanova.

BOOLEAN ALGEBRA

a) A derogatory term uttered by those wishing to deflect from their own ignorance.

b) (Slang) A term of abuse in parts of the north-west of England.

BORE-HOLE

a) (coll.) Term used to describe either of the two Houses of Parliament.

b) Name given to any place or building frequented by a contestant on a reality TV show.

BULLION

Undue pressure put on someone to relinquish their ingots.

BUNNION

Baking that can induce tears.

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