Media Page – Issue 31


A new series of The Revenue Inspector will begin this week.

It’s a new semi-reality drama following the exploits of a ticket collector on the railways. The tagline is: When the RI is on board, the naughty get spooked.

Apparently, there’s a mad rush to the toilet as too many try to flush at a station.

It stars John Clive Dammit as Inspector Vic Timise.

The one-off drama created by the controversial writer, Theo Logie will show on an old-fashioned but greatly oversized TV next week. 

FOUR ARSEMEN OF THE APOCRYPHAL is a frightening epic tale of scaremongering and murdering of any truths in the halls of political power.


THE ELOQUENT MAN will show in selected cinemas that are poised for closure throughout the UK next week.

This is a sad tale of a bookish and erudite fellow who, due to his condition, is treated like a freak. His treatment leads to depression and dramatises his many attempts to take his own poetical licence.

The cold-salad thriller, THE WATERCRESS FILES, will have you singing the mayonnaise by its climax.

The gripping tale of Harry Lemon being squeezed by both sides in his attempt to remain loyal to his corporations in the east and west, will keep even the cat awake with burning curiosity.

Things are anything but cordial in this bitter struggle for the perfect salad sandwich.


F.T.Index has produced yet another story, this time under another pseudonym.

HUGE ADVANCE is a tale of the publishing cartels that determine what we get to read and the processes by which they are chosen.

It’s a fictional expose of the fiction that surrounds marketing of literature and other genres of storytelling.

“A must read!” Gabriel Horn, Trumpet Blowers Monthly (Nicaraguan edition).

“Frightening.” Joseph Soft, Timid Times (Pluto Press).


The new publication for all those interested in industrial relations will be available next week.

Beck & Call Monthly will be available in printed edition and online simultaneously, ironically 24/7.

There’s a particularly interesting editorial about stealing time. Also included is the award for Spreadsheet of the Month. The first issue has a seventy-page pullout called Closing down isn’t the end of your profiteering: advice on how to renege on contracts and blame anything, including the weather.

“A must for believers in the commercial gods.” Ivan Togetov, chief business correspondent for the UK in Latvia.


The latest blockbuster production of the classic, MacApple, will be staged at The Hidden-Criteria Theatre in London, despite attempts to have it shelved by local authorities.

Government officials have labelled the play anti-aspirational and negative about power opportunism.

Set in Dunce-Inane, the famously dark tale of murder of the dully cowed and dispirited, and failure of ambition will keep even your most fractious pets entertained.

There is the not to be missed scene when Lady MacApple is sleepwalking along a printed circuit, espousing her guilt over the murder of King Duncant, a mild mannered ruler whose character flaw was the constant imbibing of the milk of human kindness.

Her husband, the eponymous anti-hero, plays out an incredibly energetic scene where he attempts to vault ambition but lands painfully on his hobby-horse, which pummels his private thoughts. His trauma feeds on his timid mind and devours him so, in the final drama, he is frightened out of his wits by creeping bushes, and declares, rather ambiguously, “The copses have come for me: top of the wold MacApple!”

“A triumph of thought-provoking blood-letting that you will want to shake a spear at.” Reginald Cide, theatre correspondent at Beck and Call Monthly (Monserrat edition)

MUCH TO DO ABOUT NO THINGUMMY is a modern, updated version of the old Shakey play that depicts the post-EU world.

Bendydick and Beatawrist are Tory love rivals of right-wing politics and deny their true feelings in producing cruelly destructive wit and rhetoric. Their in-and-out banter is obviously bogus as they are from the same ideological mould. It is a seriously tragic-comedy.

“So sharp I’d vote to have myself whipped.” Terry Kipper, Masochist Monthly (Softcore, Pimlico edition)


Onion Pilaf sings her classics on an album called, Lettres de Francaise, to warm the cockles and mussels with a voice that’s always alive, alive-O.

Her famous motif song, Je Suis Regrette Quelquechose is left in its original state. The raucous rhythms of Popadum padum padam will have you weeping with joyfully raw emotion.

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