Media Page – Issue 30

TV

The TV adaptation of the children’s classic, Lord of the Lowered Flies, will be shown as a one-off drama this month.

This particularly sordid tale of public schoolboys given free reign to lord it over those they designate as grubby oiks will have special resonance in today’s political climate.

The humiliation of the socialist Porky, by the group of bully-boys, is a disturbingly realistic scene in the drama.

How easily the leader of the group, Cameron Davies III, teaches the boys to tell porkies and how to write their name in the snow without using their hands is emblematic of the privileged class this fellow represents.

That he, Davies III, moves on to make even rasher decisions in persecuting the infirm and vulnerable in society when he becomes PM, is most unnerving in this raw drama of the darkest, rasher side of human nature.

CINEMA

The star, Johnny Debt is heading the latest piece of adventurous drivel, called Pirates of the Cabinet: To the Ends of Persecution.

The wistful fellow is reprising his role as Lord Spuggy-Hawk, a high ranking official in the government, seeking the booty in the treasury that has been saved yet doesn’t actually exist.

“The plot simply doesn’t add up.” Bob Piston, Economics & Cinema Weekly (Toilet edition)

The Empirical Strikes Back is returning to cinemas throughout Bute.

The sequel to the first prequel following the penultimate sequel sees truth winning ground over anecdotal Blue-Sky thinking.

Solo-Hands and his co-pilot, Chew-the-cud, are kidnapped and subjected to the provable proof of the universe, and their minds are duly scrambled.

Anecdote, for short he is, is on a mission to rescue his co-rebels, accompanied by Princess Liar and the robots, Ard-detour and Re-cipient.

BOOKS

Francis Dickoff has produced yet another book, this one called Giddy Yuppie.

It is another investigative yarn that charts the exploits of a group of psuedo-affluent working-class horse-obsessed youths in 1980s Britain.

“I wouldn’t bet on this not getting an award.” Margaritte Renny, Double Absurdism Journal (Rotherham edition)

Richard Frankov, the renowned author of such pulp classics as Saddling Yourself With Debt and Running On Empty, has published another page-turner of superficial intrigue. Turf A Count Out is his best work to date and has, surprisingly, socialist undercurrents. This new novel is informing what seems on the surface to be populist claptrap with a critique of the protagonists who think nothing of losing as much money as local government has as a budget.

“Another winner from the master of horse pucky.” Robin Whims, Variety Magazine (Llanfairpwyllgyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch edition)

MAGAZINES

A new management journal, At Bulletpoint, is released this month. The magazine features all things management speak and will delight anyone suffering from an underdose of corporate jargon. This first edition has a free whiteboard marker, a collectors’ edition that will break the ice at meetings of those who have never seen such a writing implement.

UK Industry Annual has been discontinued due to lack of funds. The proprietor has buggered off to the land of the rising sun, with what was left of the production equipment.

THEATRE

CLAPTRAP, the longest running theatrical experience will see its last year in production this coming year.

This drama of high-flying political figures managing to project guilt onto their victims of their criminal behaviours is full of mind-numbing political rhetoric and cliche.

“The end can’t come quickly enough.” Edward Count, ex-theatre critic of New Musings Express (Tristan de Cuhna edition)

MUSIC

Hilarious Boluque’s poem Tarantella has been put to music and distributed by Natural Selection Publishing Company.

The classic, simple lyric poem is well rendered by reformed punk band, Rock Yer Suckers. The three-piece thrash band have previously done – like a kipper – the entire works of Lewd Carol, the risque poet of The Fens.

“Made my ears want to leap off my head and hide in the linen basket.” Len Dusaquid, Any Old Iron Monthly (Dagenham edition)

A reissue of the Christmas compilation of Perry Perry, the disgraced sentimental singer of Xmas favourites has been shelved by the distributors.

Crossing You Off My Christmas List had It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Fascism, one of the numbers that caused some controversy, along with  Krystalnacht, Let the Oldies Die and Help Them Croak It Through The Night were all too much for the authorities to allow.

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