Media Page – Issue 25

TV

More tedious formulaic drivel in Drudge Dead, the bleak look at the the near future. Soon the authorities will hire retired action=film stars to hunt down and slay unionised labour.

XENIA The service industry warrior and her sidekick Genuflect get up to more jolly shenanigans in the corporate factories in this, their tired series.

There will be adult scenes in which the two PA lovelies bare their breasts in an effort to be over-welcoming to guests.They will also – after the watershed – show their smiling lips to the higher earning clients, without putting in overtime claims.

SCS Maidenhead is making its episodic debut on screens soon.

It is a gritty British drama based on a service provider turned sleuth. The series features Richard Shirtfront, a man repossessed, who follows but doesn’t solve serial murders that see the victims killed with kindness.

“It’s their distended hearts that get you right here (pointing to his cash machine) as these murderers overburden their victims with non-profit making benevolence that proves too much  for their commercially hardened tickers!” said Sidney Jerkreaction, the star of the star of the show.

CINEMA

A historical drama in which the eponymous ‘hero’ is excommunicated for bringing the cloth into disrepute.

CARNAL WOLSEY, is the misadventures of a prelate who committed cardinal sin of ass rubbing in church whilst tampering with the organ to lower its tone. The classic line, “I never liked the sopranos, they get the church choir a bad name,” epitomises the ecclesiastic lad’s dilemma.

“Brings a new meaning and theological position to the term ‘Sermon on the Mount’” Clive of India, Satire Fortnightly

THE MALADROIT SEVEN is a little tale of a collection of ne’er-do-wells assembling for a basic learning course.

Each of the individuals has a suspect CV but a clear sense of social justice and only need the right investment to be able to enact their very dormant social conscience.

BLUE CARD is a romcom that charts the adventures of Angus Grant and Andie Aberdeen, who fake marriage so he can become a Scots citizen. There are hilarious scenes when the couple manufacture photos of a skiing trip in The Cairngorms.

The Scottish Gazette gave the film three Glasgow kisses in its review!

BOOKS

A macabre tale of a group of serial killers inviting victims to slap-up meals before causing asphyxiation by intense use of non-sequitur, stifling hyperbole and tautology to pull the argument tight round the guest’s neck to stop intellectual breathing.

In The Company Of Stranglers will sicken and intrigue in equal measure. Each edition will have a healthy recipe printed on the inside dust jacket.

MAGAZINES

The new geek mag, GOOGLEPLEX PLAYSTORE HOURLY begins its life with the somewhat ironic mantra, ‘Laughter has no limits, because in virtual corporate space they can see and hear you cream’.

The subscriptions are endless – Economic Advisor Monthly

THEATRE

Coming to a theatre near extinction, the new play by Nigel Croach, BOYS ON THE WHITE STUFF.

It is a dramatic satire on the whingeing working-class, which, instead of trying hard to get a job, turn to crack cocaine in order to make their way in the world.

White ‘C’ is the matriarch figure exercising only her self-determination by pedalling at home the ‘opium’ of choice. Dosser Huge comes up with a leitmotif for the whole gang when saying, “Gis an apprenticeship, I can’t do that admin job!”

“A modern masterpiece.” The Bullingdon Times.

New satirical play is opening at The Nude Vic Theatre soon.

MACFRY AND BACCALAUREATE is an energetic dialogue between an educated doyen of the English and Latinate languages and a mere degree-level friend. They merrily pontificate over freedom and corporate coercive dictatorships.

It is a two-man production with only a book and telephone table as props.

The director, Wardrobe Bond, is a renowned minimalist who champions the drama of the word before what he disdainfully refers to as SFX stage props.

“A gem of philosophy in a world of adverts. You’ll buy the first comfy chair and bed you see after witnessing this semantic pugilism.” Henry Barrelmaker, Boxing Times

MUSIC

This month sees the release of Nenaw Simeon’s seductive version of Strangely Fruitless. It is a wonderful jazz-blues fusion emotively describing the soul-destroying degradation of the modern job search.