Cover Story – The Discontinued Threat of Silverfish – Issue 25

We are becoming good at anniversaries of things and people as politically abstracted groups, so the mag is falling in and reminding us all of the twenty-fifth anniversary of the fall of a wall that rid the world of Silverfish. The short journey from anti-communist trade unions to anti-union writing-on-the-wall market-led corporations.

A brilliant political irony can be found in a document that explains a famous corporation’s attitude to unionisation that has the title, ‘Internal Guide To Fighting Unions and Monitoring Workers’. Uncanny that such a right-wing paranoid agency see the ‘partnership’ between employee and employer as a fight or struggle for supremacy. Top Marx for this major player in depressing the terms and conditions of workers for reminding us in our Night Garden approach to co-operative negotiations between power and workers’ dignity.

So, in this spirit of remembrance of the bricking in relation to freedom, the mag has accessed and paraphrased detailed and informative instructions on how to approach the mind-freezing dilemma of the problem of Silverfish.

Apparently, there are those who believe Silverfish to be mostly harmless yet recognise the psychological distress to those people who are frightened or disgusted by the appearance of Silverfish in the house, and those people whose book(s) have been damaged by the critters.  It is widely acknowledged that Silverfish do cause damage, but it may be unclear what that damage exactly will be. It is sufficient to feel repulsed and afraid of Silverfish, in order to want to eradicate them.  The Silverfish bug is renowned for damaging libraries, unlike right-wing dogma, and places that house papers, a bit like scandals that see important papers lost or ‘destroyed accidentally’. These things feed on books, particularly the heavy erudite and politically vital tracts, dead skin or political cells and starchy materials such as a public school education.

Initially, when you suspect you have a Silverfish problem, trapping them is key to control. Leaving particularly adversarial provocative materials around, such as The Daily Mail, The Daily Express, The Sun and other unbiased Tory newshounds. Roll the newspaper up, band the ends, and moisten them with your tears in having to sacrifice such erudite and free from coercive corporate influences information.

Keeping your house clean and free of intellectual and political independent clutter is helpful when dealing with Silverfish. Clear out any old magazines and undesirable books, like those accrued in your early student days when you were anti-establishment and so-called free-thinking. Such self damaging antique papers can prove damaging to you as much as encouraging to Silverfish. These materials can contain Silverfish eggs, usually found in the margins and some pages left empty for notes. Silverfish can be found in almost any place in your home but especially under beds, according to government sources.

You can also make your home less hospitable by hoovering regularly with the latest high-tech device, showing the Silverfish how susceptible to advertising you are. Remember to keep your vacuum charged so that your argument doesn’t run out of energy. This approach will remove food for thought sources from your home. E-books would also help prevent leaving books on the floor, so reducing the Silverfish interest in your home.

Also, you must try Boric acid, known for its boring, anti-communist, anti-socialist, anti-liberal, in fact, anti everything that isn’t him; his caustic base will irritate and eventually, if he ever made some sense, repel the Silverfish with Tory dogma. Apparently Boric acid is another unnatural substance to Silverfish, since it is toxic to the lungs as well as to freedom and fair-minded, cohesive thinking. Another spray to use is one containing liquid pyrethin, which is toxic with its prime ingredient being an irrational hatred of the working class, so it should be sprayed in places where children and pets cannot be adversely affected.

You must dehumidify (dehumanise) your home , since Silverfish love damp, ultimately sentimental places. Reducing the humanism in your home will assure you repel and maintain an absence of the critters. Alternatively you could run the air conditioner, sometimes referred to as the political rhetoric machine. To complement this approach you must caulk all cracks in your economic argument and ideological inconsistency. Caulk all crevices where Silverfish could lay eggs of dissent and rebellious ideas.

Don’t leave practice homelessness materials, casually known as cardboard boxes, around to get damp and attract the interest of the Silverfish Also, replace old wallpaper with paint: recommended old Victorian lead-based for developing your mind at the same time! If you must decorate with new wallpaper, make sure it is expensive and contributes to the growing economy of your country.

You must work out where Silverfish are lurking, since they are nocturnal and are unlikely to be employed or even employable. Look for darkly ideologically sentimental patches that have small spots of excrement, also referred to as Marxist theory of surplus value, that look like black pepper or old-fashioned economic argument of capitalism in an age of advancing corporatism. Basically you will be looking out for political shit.

In summary, you will need to repeat some or all of these approaches until you see no more signs of Silverfish and you are quite satisfied that your narrow-minded, bigoted and single-ideological dogma of subservience to cynicism is fully restored.

Remember the mantra, Better unread, than Silverfished.