News Real 8 – Issue 23

WESTERN COUNTRIES’ MUSIC

The latest US concert by the legendary Ken Lee Rogered has been cancelled by authorities. The authorities objected to what they called subversive lyrics and said that he is lucky that they no longer round up communists like in the fifties. It is uncertain whether the veteran singer will be allowed to complete his KLR Sings Country & Particularly Western Ballads.

Apparently the most offensive lyrics were in his classic, L’Huile:

You picked a fine time to raise prices, L’huile,

four million hungry children and crooks at the wheel,

we’ve had some modest times, they’ve had horrendous times,

austerity measures see rich men just steal,

You picked a fine time to raise prices, L’huile.

Subversive and amusing or parodic and funny? You, in a free country, make up your own mind.

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NEWS FROM APART

Lord Nobless O’Blithe has donated .05% of his wealth to his favourite charity. It amounts to a whacking 25K and he will be able to claim most of it back in tax deductibles. Also, he just made a cracking 50K on his share dividend as investor in a major utility firm, who put their prices up for the second time in a year. Lord O’Blithe has been invited to the court ball at the end of the year at Fookingem Palace, where his place is paid for by the taxpayer at £300 per head.

Elsewhere in Chelsea, Jim Crack was made redundant for a record fifteenth time in the last eight months. He has received two redundancy payouts, totalling a modest £190, 20% of which he donated to his favourite charity. He was lauded by the charity worker who took his contribution and offered a tea and biscuits.

Mister Crack will be expected to attend his local Job Club, sign on with an agency, coincidentally headed by a friend of the PM and Lord O’Blithe, Sasha Windows. Mr Crack cannot expect handouts and will be very closely monitored in his search for another zero-hours appointment.