Media Page – Issue 22

TV

FEEL OR NO FEEL is on yet again. Contestants are strapped into a chair, their eyelids are restrained from blinking and they are subjected to visual, aural and even tactile stimuli representing the modern world. The less tears they shed the more money they win.

This is measured on an LMI* rating system.

*Lachrymose Mass Index.

FORMULA ONE.

A programme investigating the development of fast foods for babies.

BEHIND THE CHIMES.

A psuedo-documentary charting the lives of campanologists, looking at the ups and downs of rope-pulling.

THE AUTOCRAT OF THE CARBUNCLE

Tune in to the latest depiction of the wacky world of business employment and redundancy.  Laugh along as Managing Director Cecil Nimby-Squiers brings on board then lays off a stream of hapless souls trying to escape the tempest of unemployment.

As the show reveals, Cecil’s notoriously imperious nature as Managing Director of Scamophile Outsourcing, Ltd., is further enhanced by a poxy carbuncle on his upper neck from which emanate verbal commands directing him to hire and fire at will.  Cecil intuitively understands it as his latest innovation in au courant, self-generated leadership skill in unique service of asserting brilliant decisions.

You’ll giggle as ‘Iggy’ – Cecil’s pet name for his acerbic tumor – makes such calls as “Her bum’s so plummy – must have her!” or, “His CV ain’t worth a pot of piss —dump him out!”  Chortle away as Cecil breaks new ground in the field of Managing Directorial incompetence and self-aggrandisement.

Cecil is played by veteran character actor Edward  Pitburble with usual comic aplomb, clearly spiced up with what are overly waxed eyebrows. ‘Iggy’ is voiced with down-market dash by Ronnie Vole in tones both exultant and sinister.   This one is a must tune-in — on Channel V.

“As accurate a depiction of the contemporary world of business leadership as it gets.”  — Nate Scriveley, Commerce Editor of The Nagwog Times

CINEMA

FANHUNTER is a grubby tale of a man, whose own negativity eats away at him, craving adulation. From the depths of being a ten-can-a-day man to the heights of accepting polite applause and mild laughter from a modest audience in a small club.

SOLICITO by the controversial director, Mel Anoma is released this month to mixed reviews. The painstaking depiction of the implosion of the judicial system is twelve hours long and has subjudice titles explaining some of the jargon and the sexual nuances of the epic tale.

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEBT.

The Tory bloodfest film is spreading across the country and is compulsory viewing in certain parts of The Midlands.

The story is of two hapless voters being chased by a mutilated cheque and a deceased borrower.

BOOKS

New book out today by Morris Dancer OBE called Buffoonery For Profit.

It is full of incoherent sentences and devoid of cogent argument. This piece of ‘work’ is an indictment of mankind as a whole and Britain plc as a specific.

‘An intriguingly disappointing read’. Random seven-year old.

MAGAZINES

GUN DOGS MONTHLY is causing a stir with the anti-hunting lobby who believe it should be put on the top shelf or kept out of sight altogether.

Subscribers generally fend off criticism by saying it isn’t the dog that’s dangerous, it’s the owner.

THEATRE

The new play, L’Enfer Est D’autres Personnes by J.P Soupspoon opened across Europe last month.

It is the story of a Frenchman incarcerated by his own lack of humility, who is then given the option of staying imprisoned or accepting a cake with an anglophile in it. He is torn between accepting non-freedom and eating only his greens, and embracing something he detests – he was once intellectually humiliated by a worker in a patisserie – that would liberate him.

A classic Vache-22 dilemma that holds your attention until you get hungry. Albert Cloche – Votre Main Dans Le Monde (Paris).