Olympic Pull-Out p4 – Issue 20

For adult audiences, there will be a special reenactment of the First Athenian Olympic Games, shown on a loop on the very red button on your TVs. All the sporting participants will be partially or completely naked, depending on the maximisation of the money generating principle.

There will, of course, be subtitles for those youngsters coming across these disciplines ‘accidentally’, as the encryption is adult-proof but not juvenile geek-proof.

The organisers and their research developers were working on a totally foolproof system but their grant ran out due to austerity measures.

However, some prudish watchers can be assured that The Playboy Channel will run these Olympics with strategically placed bunny images. Due to the sophistication of technology, any audience could fail to be impressed by the mobility and blurring accuracy of the censorial bunnies.

A spokesperson said, “Pixelation is so noughties. We are at the cutting-edge of prudish, naive, and perversely coy censorship.”

One critic suggested not having such depraved displays of nudity at all making the censorship unnecessary, but it was pointed out to them that some of the organisers of the games happened to be associated with monies raised through online pornography.

 c-moron goes to pawn

JUDO

The experiment to introduce Lycra suits in to the Judo tournament failed miserably when the first bout quickly deteriorated in farce. The first bout saw both contestants unable to manhandle one another as each, in turn, slipped through the other’s grasp like a bar of wet soap.

The difficulty in the sport continues, however, as the diminutive Venezuelan managed to slip out of the oversized sleeve of her outfit, leaving her opponent pinning just the upper garment to the mat.

In another bout, the burly German competitor tried a spin throw on her French adversary, but only managed to sling shot her into the second row of the audience. The French woman was topless and struggled to cover her breasts with the broken arms she had acquired from her trip.

The US entrant finally took Gold when she beat the Russian in a hotly contested final by two falls to one autumn.

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