Media Page – Issue 20

CINEMA

ALTERED POLITICAL STATES is being remade in 3D. The role is being reprised by Will IT Hurt as the liberal who went into a sensory deprivation chamber – aka The House of Commons – as a liberal but came out as a raging conservative.

“Terrifying.” The Daily Telemetry

PELICAN BRIEFS is wooing the superficial audiences with its retro style plotting wherein the protagonist Denis Seattle tiptoes coyly through shameless product placement advertising designer underwear for lawyers.

“Plot is on skid row.” Daily Turbine

The French epic about the trials and tribulations of a family of processors in a banking factory can be seen nationwide from next month. Taken from the novel TERMINAL by Gordon Zola, the film charts a rags to hardship tale of the gross inequity of power in the world of employment.

The blockbusting Sci-Fi epic ALIENATION makes a reappearance in theatres around the country.

The bleak emptiness of modernity is given another outing with the classic tag line of: “In office space no-one can hear you scream.”

The adult animation film, GIVE A LITTLE WHISTLE makes its debut in cinemas in East Lothian.

The protagonist, Philip Moralelow, gets to use his most famous line, “I didn’t know a prole who could understand economics or couldn’t understand a slug from a P45.”

SHORT HAIRCUT, the zany adventures of a sophisticated robot that was struck by a baseball bat and became somewhat human, has been developed into this sequel. Five isn’t alive anymore because he became so human he was treated like a machine. All the human traits of consciousness, language and feelings were suppressed by those employing him, to the point where Five no longer could conceptualise being a human.

“A comic-tragedy of our time.” Robot Monthly

RADIO

What’s My Lime, is a whacky satirical quiz format where nepotism cuts its teeth on a guessing game.

Three or four of the contestants are required to ask searching psychological and politically funny questions to find out which fruit, vegetable or mineral the other contestant is likening to a given figure of any global ruling elite.

The first episode has a daughter, a son, and two in-laws of well-known public figures battling their witlessness against the host Dick Waddle, whose reputation was secured by a particularly scathing yet catchy critique of the 1962 cabinet.

THEATRE

The musical, TWATS, is running again with the crowd-pleasing classic song of, ‘Felines, Nothing More Than Felines’.

BOOKS

SPIKES is the compelling story of Joe Noakes, a plucky athlete who overcame a spoonerism for a name to become the 12-metre mad dash champion of the world.

TV

A new series called THE LONE STRANGER hits the ancient box this month telling the story of an economic cowboy. The masked manager has his trusty steed, Pieces of Silver, helping him ride roughshod over certain laws whilst appearing whiter than white. He also has his life-long sidekick/henchman, Pronto, who he sends round to non-payers.

THE MAKING OF A PRINCESS has been released by Fabula & Fabula to a stunned populace. It has won the award for the shortest text ever publicised and distributed. The whole narrative consists of the line:

“Marry a Prince: end of story.”

Reaction was mildly hostile with critics lining up outside bookshops chanting, “we already knew all that, we were expecting something enchanting and witty.”

“Stating the bleeding obvious.” Astrology Weekly

“Unbelievable.” Faith Times and a number of Sports publications.

COMPUTING/ONLINE

A new application is being developed that will measure the time a person spends online and computes the word-minute ratio, to build up a profile of the user. The user will know themselves much better after using this app. The free version has many advertisements.

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