Miscellany – Issue 19

ANIMAL FARM (revisited)

Rule one: The pigs’ trough is not party to the same rules as everything deemed ‘not crown property’.

Rule two: Geese, ants, dray horses and lesser pigs commit crimes, Napoleon, his friends and our attack dogs commit mistakes.

Rule three: Privilege and Title good, Rights and Entitlements bad.

Rule four: In the interests of greater efficiency we announce the end of philosophy and free thought.

Rule five: No flocks to be more than two animals at a time. Exceptional circumstances for the dolphins in our think tank.

Rule six: Everyone will learn pig English; all other languages are forthwith illegal.

Rule seven: All eggs and other species’ offspring are now Crown Property. The only thing lesser animals own is their responsibility to the Great Big Society.

Rule eight: Due to rising costs we will be reintroducing battery factories. Be reassured, the lighting is now energy efficient: 20watts is the old 100watts.

Rule nine: Lunches are no longer required. Nosebags, mobile feeders et al can be purchased from your local animal council at the new low price of 40% of the GDP of Animal Farm. Rather than bother you with the onerous problems of money exchange, our diligent bankers will organise all finances so that you will always owe more to our Great Big Society.

Addenda: Boxer was found a new, progressive way of contributing to our Great Big Society. Lick those stamps, that have our images on them, with pride, and know that although gone, Boxer is still working for us all.

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