UNDER THE TREE
MY FIRST IS IN CHRISTMAS BUT NOT IN XMAS
MY SECOND IS IN DECK THE HALLS BUT NOT IN MISTLETOE
MY THIRD IS IN MINCE PIES
BUT NOT IN WINE
Who is the famous Xmas character?
A LEGAL DEVIL GOES DUTCH ON THE DRINKS BILL
What is the famous Xmas tipple?
WHAT WE DON’T MIND ON SPECIAL OCCASION CONFECTIONERY BUT WHAT WE DON’T LIKE ON THE ROADS AND PIPES
What is this traditional Xmas foodstuff?
WHAT’S IN THE CHRISTMAS STOCKING?
1) AN EXAMINATION FOR ADOLESCENT CRUSH ON EMMA PEEL ACTRESS.
2) SLEEPY EVIDENCE OF RECENT RAIN ON AN UNEVEN PLAYING FIELD.
3) CRAZY TIGHTENING OF MECHANICAL UNITS.
4) THAT PULPED BEFORE TEA STUFFING.
A fondly pleasant weather forecast is this Xmas favourite card.
Chicago’s are white and Boston’s are red and the ones at an aerodrome are full of wind.
What Xmas favourite is this?
A MILL POND AND STARS
WE’LL ALLOW THE DISTRIBUTION OF COCAINE
THE INITIAL ACTRESS IN CROSSROADS OR A MORE RECENT TV DULLARD
DREAMS OF A RACIST
IRRITATING REPETITION OF THE DIRTY DOZEN ON TV
A DEITY OFFERS SUCCOUR TO OLD FASHIONED AND JOLLY TOILETS
SOMEWHERE ELSE TO BE DEVOURED BY A FRENCHMAN
Spot the Christmas carol
If a company – a very large one – buys in goods costing £10k (including labour), then sells those goods for £30k, whilst spending £1.5k on travelling expenses on the Workfare workers who are subsidised by the Taxpayer to the tune of £2.6k, and pay only £1k on tax over the whole Xmas period, how much are they likely to pay Santa for delivery of toys to children?
Answers to your local and national MP
How many words and phrases can you make out of the word Christmas?
We’ll publish the psychological study results in the first issue of 2013.
Don’t forget we, as off-the-wall arbiters, accept the playfulness of the cliche and some reasonable near-misses. After all, rules are there to be broken, if not folded like balloons at a children’s party.