Santa’s Column – Issue 18



Most people, when they get to a certain age, don’t believe in me. In fact, I’ve even heard some of the little folk who work for me say things like, “He’s unbelievable, what he does in so little time.”

Well, not wanting to literally compare myself with god, any god, who even those working for, or in the name of him, don’t believe, like god(s), I cannot really care or concern myself with what people think. “I think therefore I am,” and ‘I work therefore I might be,” are my two glib axioms for being at all.

Now, I know that people’s lack of believe is based on so-called reality, in that even in the corporate sector, who are pushing the boundaries of reality, what with their systems of measurement that defy logic, but like any overbearing dictatorial regimes know, to control time and reality are two fundamentals in controlling thought. And, controlling thought is how to wield power without seeming like a dictator. It’s a simple trick my reindeer taught me, what with them being harnessed to the sleigh all the hours I send, contemplating their yolk, while I’m contemplating mine and whether or not to put tomato sauce on it.

I admire the corporate approach when they create a logic that is tautological and cannot be argued against once the basic premise of power has been overlooked. They create a reality based on a notion of what they want to be reality, and produce systems of measurement that reflect their singular ideology as an immutable and natural reality. Under their system I could not be argued against, even though I’ve often heard well educated children saying, as they looked upon their wall of presents, that “Santa is unbelievable. He brought me all these things in one sleigh, in one single night of the year, even when the shops were closed. Wow, that’s unbelievable.”

I have to pinch myself to stop any complacency creeping in. I know that it takes a lot of hard graft from those working for me to produce that kind of happiness.

I was watching a tennis match this Christmas that made me think: the commentators’ every second word was ‘unbelievable’. Now I can’t profess to play tennis at anything other than a very amateur level but, the use of this word became spurious and annoying Yes, I can admire their ability to be physical and skilful with their racquet play but to claim every other shot as unbelievable is stretching it further than they have to.

To put it into context, I still find certain things truly unbelievable: That one country I fly over still has a fully functioning monarchy while calling itself a democracy, and that people have to work so hard, for so long, in drudge, however IT-based, then be told that they must regress even in material terms, these things I find truly unbelievable.

There are so many people who work tirelessly and thanklessly to create the belief in me: I do appreciate it, just ask the reindeer. Without the parents spending their hard earned credit cards, and the appallingly paid shop workers and volunteers, I could not be believable. Even in the surreal world of corporate time, I could not possibly get all those material goods to so many in such a short time: be honest, it’s unbelievable which ever way you look at it. A bit like the virgin birth really?

So, this Christmas remember that so many things are relative and philosophically up for grabs, like time, value and reality and we should want to spend this time with the relatives.

Happy Xmas.

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