Media Page – Issue 18

TV

XMAS NIGHT WITH THE STARS.
Noel Almonds scours the banks of The Thames interviewing the homeless and persuading them how lucky they are to be spending Xmas Day freezing their baubles off in the open air.

 SALMONELLA DAWSON’S ORGASMIC COOKING PROGRAMME PERSISTS THIS FESTIVE TIME.
IT HAS A SENSUAL VERSION OF TOAD IN THE HOLE; BIKINI ZUCCHINI; APPLE STRADDLE, THE LATTER A PARTICULARLY LEWD PORNOGRAPHIC DELIGHT.
KEEP THE KITCHEN ROLL HANDY.

 ZEST CARS is a modern kind of classic charting the episodic mishaps of the Orange Peelers. Their Citrus division has some bitter and twisted characters. Also the Bakofoil Unit is made up of the hard skinned coppers who give cat burglars a good roasting in interrogation.

It is a hard-hitting series that illustrates how the austerity measures are forcing the police to cut their budgets to the point where they replace their weaponry with various fruits.

 A piece of retro TV for all those connoisseurs of reality TV. The TEST-CARD IN HD 3D is the latest in Reality TV. Hours of visual fun and high-class tedium.

RADIO

Special for radio on Xmas Eve comes an edition of FLATTERBOX on R4.1. It is a gathering of so-called radio celebs bigging each other up in a most uncomfortable fashion.

BOOKS

ONE DAY IN EMPLOYMENT.

A  SCI-FI NOVEL SET  IN UTOPIA WHERE UNEMPLOYMENT IS  ONLY 6% BUT ALL LABOUR IS CASUAL.

 I’M CAMP.

BY CHRISTOPHER LITTINS.

The autobiography of a pretty obscure homosexual despot.

“Typical piece of banality from this much too larger than life, tyrannical woofter.” SATELLITE TIMES

“I’m surprised he can see anything from so far up the rectum of such a large queen.”  Latin Quarterly

 THEATRE

THE PERENNIAL CLASSIC MUSICAL DRAMA BY GULLIBLE & SILBERT, HMS WHAT’SITALLFOR? still stupefies audiences this Christmas. This existential musi-comedy about a ship that’s all at sea, existentially, remarkably continues to wow all and sundry with such favourites as, ‘Modern Major Shareholder,’ and ‘For He Owns An Englishman,’ and ‘When I Was Employed,’ and the controversial number, ‘An English Prole Is A Boring Soul.’

 CINEMA

A remake of a timeless classic hits the cinema this coming  month, GONE WITH THE WIND FARM is the story  of a southern-based conglomerate making itself more plausible by  ploughing public money as costs into a lucrative green energy plant.

In the film, the MP for Representational Indifference, Mr. Rhetoric Butler delivers the immortal line, “Frankly, democratically we don’t give a damn.”

 The old favourite chiller is making a comeback in theatres around the country. THEBLAIR ‘WHICH CONGLOMERATE SHOULD I SELL MY POLITICAL ACUMEN TO’ PROJECT is a hand-held, self-serving horror story of rags sold to riches tale of vampire-type success.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *