News Real – Issue 17

NEWS OF THE PEWS

 The Very Reverend Trevor End was sacked recently for thinking outside of the collection box.

Trevor End has taken up the new Government offer of God Seekers’ Allowance.  The rate will be established by  drawing the numbers from the hymn singing lists, thus leaving the money aspect to the boy above. He will, of course, be tested thoroughly by experts in the field before he can qualify for the allowance.

The local Job Centre E Pluribus Unum is opening its doors to all clergy who have tried and failed to assert God and his teachings in the face of capitalism. They will even accept some agnostics who can repair church rooves.

The new clients sent to the economic dog-collar house will be greeted by smiling agents of Mammon chanting the mantra:

“Are you looking for a Job? We have comforters who will help.” Although the three employees are on casual contracts.

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