Humanly Sports Pages – Issue 17

CRICKET

The recently retired Cricket all-rounder, punningly nicknamed ‘Iron Man’ has released yet another autobiography to muted and rather fatigued critical acclaim.

George Granite’s latest offering to the remainder bins is called, “View From The Physio’s Table.”

iron manThe book is a warts and all expose of his good fortune to be injured for nigh on two years yet earn more than two million pounds in sponsorship alone. In a beautifully ironic tone GG laments, “Imagine how much I would have made had I played?”

In the last chapter he talks of his injury which he put down to playing too much. In his last full season this man mountain and touted superhero played for a total of one hundred and twelve days out of the three hundred and sixty-five in the year.

“The doctors said that I was lucky the year wasn’t a leap year as that would have made the injury much worse. As it is they say I can only play carpet bowls for the next year, and the carpet has to have very short pile,” the fine specimen of a sporting hero concluded in his book.

He added in his typically defiant and manly spirit, “But that won’t stop me signing a contract with an independent TV company to arm wrestle, abseil, and generally contradict all medical science in making another easy packet.”

In his last playing period GG managed thirty-seven runs in four innings and two wickets at seventy apiece: good going George!

SLOTH RACING FROM SLOUGH

A time lapse photo finish showed the 4.30 result of last month as follows: First (by an inflamed nostril) The White, Three-Toed one; Second; The one with green ears, and Third;  Slow Envy.

US FOOTBALL

An ace wide receiver last month made a lucrative deal with two TV syndicates for sponsorship of his new passing route breakdown service called, “In The Red Zone.”

Ike A Hightower jr said of his business acumen, “It’s the only time I’d be willing to take double coverage.”

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