Little News

That Smarts™ has become the first circus to advertise in the local job centre in Penge.

A vacancy for Illusionist was applied for by many out of work banking operatives.

——————————————————————————————————————

A group of ex-workers today are rueing their naivety after being outsourced down the union canal without an Appeals Panel.

—————————————————————————————————————— 

POLITICAL SHENANIGANS

The govt has recently set up an agency – no, not a quango or anything spurious and underhand like those others did! – that will offer the general public a regular reality check.

The agency will be overseen by a vulture capitalist to ensure independence and fairness.

The experience will be uplifting and there’ll be OHP presentations of ‘just the way it is’. All stationery will be on clear film so as to guarantee transparency and an accountant will personally attend to any issues of cost for this voluntary-compulsive service provision. Anyone choosing not to attend will be deemed to have something to hide and will be issued with a mobile device so that they can be helped in managing their acceptance of the one true, ever-changing and immutable reality.

 

RESPONSIBILITY

An unnamed man was last week planning to sue the six-year-old in Indonesia who failed to sew securely the lining of the man’s hatband.

The fellow was walking along in the autumn gales and his hat dropped off his head into a gutter. Luckily the chapeau was picked up by a passing agent for the corner-shop ‘Accident Claim’ firm of Jaundiced & Jaundiced.

It was quickly established with the aid of the internet, which both men had in the palm of their hands, that the worker in Indonesia had, during their ninth of a twelve hour shift, failed to secure the lining with an adequate knot, thereby compromising the reputations of the hat maker, the retail outlet, the salesperson, the insurer, the customer and Smiley’s People. Also, this slovenly little tyke jeopardised the team of 150 she was a part of, and, as a result the team,  including her mother and six siblings, will have to forego an hour’s wage of 0.0007cents.

She will, of course, be retrained by sewing experts when she is released from the reform centre, coincidentally run by the same owner as the factory. Also, to improve morale the child will receive a visit from a well-known celebrity very soon.

Mr So-and-so, meanwhile, said how relieved he was to know that he could hold someone responsible for what once – in the bad old days – would have been deemed merely an accident.

He added, “Children need to learn responsibility early so as to be ready for the real world.”

 ——————————————————————————————————————–

Solutions to the EVOLUTIONS: (from page 23)

1) Hobson’s Choice

2) Playing Cards

3) Wearing black whilst mourning

4) Freezing the balls off a Brass Monkey

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *