Those Daft Soap Suds – Issue 16

“Where you goin’ Vi?”
“Avent you ‘eard, there’s a clinic set up at the end of The Oval.”
“What’s it for?”
“Everyone is due for a reality check.”
“A what?”
“A reality check. You know how crazy things ‘ave been getting around ‘ere lately.”
“Well, the good old Coalition Government ‘ave earmarked a grant for the whole of The Oval to get a reality check-up.”
“What’s it goin’ to achieve?”
“Dunno, but if it’s free, you’ve gotta do it.”
“Oh, I’m not sure. It sounds suspiciously like a cull to me.”
hendrix“What you on about?”
“Well, the other stories don’t get checked like this. Why us?”
“Gawd, you do ask some really stupid questions sometimes, you do.”
“Ave you spoken to anyone else that’s had the check-up then, Vi?”
“Naw, come to think of it, the number of folk on the streets recently ‘as dropped dramatically.”
“Shakespearean dramatically, in fact. That’s why I don’t like it. Something’s up, and I don’t think it’s good.”
“You are a suspicious sceptic, aren’t you?”
“It’s served me well so far. Remember that last place we were in, that little cul-de-sac place where so many strange things ‘appened to so few of us.”
“Yeah, but that was in the norf of England, things like that don’t ‘appen ‘ere in the sarf.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure. What makes us so special?”
“Well, there was that live episode recently.”
“Yeah, but it didn’t go down too well, did it. I mean people saw how boring a place this really is. The plot lines couldn’t be ridiculous enough to stretch the imagination of the public to go along with that one.”
“Anyway, don’t you think it odd that you’ve ‘eard nofink’ from the chemical brothers in a while.”
“They’ll be on ‘oliday or summat.”
“Naw, I heard that they had the check-up and ‘aven’t been seen since.”
“What are you insinuating?”
“That people who go for the check-up somehow disappear.”
daft soap suds“Don’t be paranoid. They would do something as ludicrous as that little village one, where a plane wiped out ‘alf the population in an instant.”
“Oh, and why? You know how we’ve been stretching the boundaries of even surrealism lately, Vi.”
“Mmmm, you maybe right, Lil. Now you mention it again, it looks like we are the only two left in this place. I aven’t even seen our pet wildebeest for two days now, an’ our lad said ‘e would never leave it.”
“So, Quo Vadis, Vi?”
“Well, it’s free, so we ‘ave to do it.”
“We’ll do it together. 1-2-3.” POP!

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