Cover Story – Issue A5


A word to the wise,  don’t be afraid to raise the issue of letters and language with your children, do it now, before it’s too late, before they become an ex-brainbox, or addicted to electronic Sodoku (sic)* Jemmy them off the electronic brain training gadgets and make sure that English doesn’t become a foreign tongue for them.

After all, you wouldn’t tell them this little gem of a fairy tale, would you?

            The minted princess met a wicked prince, and in no time

             at all they were sorted.

Do you not think we would lose the beautiful nuances of idealised love and a happy relationship and life by stories being reduced to such modern emoticon-speech?

When, or if, you get your offspring baptised, you invariably, if only subconsciously, hope they will communicate in and through language.

Therefore, this issue as well as yours, will tentatively, with tongue, rather than sticky finger, in cheek,  promote the already extant doubly powerful interest in fonts.

We cannot fully deny that we were hurt by the severe barracking, through rumour and murmured inference, that we receive annually about the size of our thoughts-in-print. However, we, being the resilient ignoramuses we are – we bathe in metaphorical vinegar to harden our skin – are showing our conciliatory side in this special A5, big font edition. Don’t come back to us and complain that you still had to stand within five feet of the magazine to read it. Go to S*&*%*$*£s! We digress.

Whet their head in the classics and encourage them to read laboriously elaborate and wonderful illuminated scripts. Museums still have them amongst their exhibits and I believe even the internet can show them great examples of the aesthetic majesty of this art of font-type narratives, where presentation and substance marry to produce some stupendous stories.

Also, if the actual content is lacking, at least you’ll be able to marvel at the pretty font! (eds: sorry about this bit of unwarranted sarcasm, the perpetrator has been ejected from the publishing group.)

We are, after all, nothing without being read – the old adage, better read than dead is nowhere more apposite – so we are hearing your feedback, and here’s the result. So, put away your microscopes, your monocles and carrots, and enjoy the richness of language in fully visible, 3D ideas, without any merchandising whatsoever. If you like it there maybe more like it!

But, of course, our first and foremost intention is to stimulate the contents of the bonce through ideas and laughter, rather than merely appearance. Some of the best authoritarians and dictators have been well turned out, well presented,  and their treatises have been in bold type, but when read, their orientation to the world has been very flawed indeed. So, in this spirit may you engage the larger font with all the necessary synapses to fully appreciate an earnest attempt – we work hard to be funny and informative (see Fifth Column) – to reach hearts and minds that recognise themselves, and to some degree us as compilers,  in the magazine.

You can even vote, by word of mouth, as we don’t want to reduce any more rainforests to ballot papers, for your favourite font from the two that form the text in this issue, Arial and Times New Roman. We’ve given you the usual ‘big two’ choice, one ‘serif’, the other ‘sans serif’, though the difference in fonts is more pronounced than in politics. Enjoy.

Eds:*we know it’s Sudoku, but, ironically, there’s no hope of a joke in the correct spelling.

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