News Real – Issue A5

Product list from AXIOMS R US latest closing down sale.

Be colourful with your ideas otherwise the propaganda will sepia through. Only $1.50c

Special offer on the Coming Down With Levity range.

If you won’t laugh when it’s dark, think of how difficult it would be to raise a smile in a black hole. $0.50c

A smile doesn’t last for ever, laughter does. $0.45c

If you find something too heavy to laugh at, blame gravity not us.$0.45c

Can levity raise you up? $0.30c

Gravity can be depressing but don’t let it get you down. $0.99c.


Home news: A man crowned Wizard of Oswestry

Lionel Sbells was given the accolade of The Fastest Bin Man in his home town this month. Lionel’s wife Dorothy (nee Shickelgrüber) was clicking her heels with excitement at the event.

“This more than erases the memory of Li’s regrettable accident last year, when he inadvertently afrighted Sheryl Crow during her sell-out concert in the Shropshire town.

Lionel was so busy and engrossed in his tin and plastics recycling that he burst onto the stage when he saw Ms Crow casually drop her ‘water’ bottle whilst singing her latest single release, “I get an empty feeling (every fortnight because of you).”

The crowd were aghast and deemed it wicked the way in which the poor ex-council worker – Lionel has been tendered out to private company Empty Promise plc – was subdued and ejected.

The mayor and mayoress of Oswestry said that it was a great day for all those with the dedication, heart, brains and courage to go that extra mile along the double-yellow- lined brick road to fulfil their customer’s dreams.

An uninterested onlooker said, “He’s a wizard for the way he weaves in and out of moving traffic to collect our recycled waste.”


Thoughts of a modern industrial lackey of a whelp.

Isn’t it odd that when a financial analysis expert repeats ad nauseam the term ‘transparency’, we can instantly see-through their lies. Impotent irony or what!


I just realised that PFI means: Pretty F*&$£”g Insane. The practice of organising  public funds to provide the financial stability for the private sector to make hay (and pots of money as personal wealth) while the risk is taken out of the speculation.


This sentence could be half as long if I pleaded guilty to its commitment.


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