Those Daft Soap Suds – Issue 14

“Where’s Olive these days?” said Else Balm
“She’s gone to a spa to recover from her nirvana experience. She’s at last coming to terms with her shape-shifting abilities.” replied Kat Kitt.
“Olive needs to learn self-control, especially after that incident the other night when she accidentally became a monitor lizard and was nearly eaten by one of the chemical brothers as a kebab.”
“Didn’t he know the difference?”
“Don’t think so, have you seen the meat on those things? Besides, some say it was a deliberate attempt to eat Olive. You know how they’ve always wanted a piece of her.”
“Wow, things aint arf getting unreal around here.”
“I wouldn’t say that. Ave you seen that the community centre’s been changed into a police incident room.”
“’Bout time too! And number 8032 is still under siege conditions.”
“Yeah, Arry Lemonfresh is still keeping ‘is wage hostage from the tax geezers. Says he won’t come out until they guarantee ‘im a pension. Always was a bit of a commie.”
“What’s ‘appening with number 13?”
“Oh, they’re evicting Satan. All that sulphurous stench coming from ‘is kitchen.”
“Dirty devil ‘e was. Good riddance.”
“Where you off to now?”
“I’m going to the Vitreous Enamel to celebrate with Vic and Vim on their third week together.”
Else laughed knowingly and content-edly at normality having been re-established. She knew for a fact that Vic was having an affair with Satan’s helper.
“Oh, will he be heartbroken when ‘e ‘ears of the eviction.”
“Ere, you seen that new nightclub opened at the bottom of the street? It’s called The Pharaoh, due to the slave wages it’s payin’ the staff.”
“Well, it’s gotta be better than The Cons Club that was there before.”
“Yeah, but it’s the same owner!”

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