Wintry Messages For The Needy*¹
A totally unsponsored subvertisement:
Tired of being cold and skint in the winter?
Well, now you don’t have to feel anything. With seasonal cryogenics you can ice yourself into a state of suspended animation and with the amazingly accurate timer, be woken up by the warmth of spring just in time to return to work after your long wage sabbatical.*²
If you are particularly persuasive you might even procure sponsorship for your economic hibernation and be much better off when you thaw out. To get someone’s goat.
The whole scheme is index-linked with the increase in climate temperatures, so it’s never going to depreciate. So, it’s a win-win situation with “Frozen Peas In A Pod” cryogenics. You could even affiliate yourself with the local supermarket. They might house you in one of their refrigeration units or will pay you to co-habit with some of their produce if you choose to stay at home and use your own deep-freeze unit.
So, take advantage of your newly negotiated wage hiatus and turn it in to an opportunity to earn yourself index-linked money, whilst experiencing a whole new state of being.
Try seasonal cryogenics now. Why wait for winter? Don’t think it will be too cold to feel the pinch, beat the crowds by signing up today.
We will send advisors round to speak on your behalf to your employers and arrange the wage break you want, at no extra cost.
(*¹This includes all folks that may require help of any kind, be it emotional, economic or otherwise.
*²SC cannot guarantee your full state health after longer periods. Only tested on gerbils for half-hour periods. Also, we cannot vouchsafe your tenure with the employer, who is free to make other provisions for filling any post vacated by the person in suspended animation: such as ‘strategic liquidation; enforced redundancy; scab labour etc.)