Those Daft Soap Suds – Issue 9

Interior of church:
“Forgive me, father but can you please, please, please deliver me from another pointless wedding ceremony. Also, don’t let anyone find out until it’s too late, that the child of seven years attending this latest folly is mine.”
Exterior of The Oval:
“Hey, Olive, I hear your son is coming back soon.”
“Yes, but I hope he doesn’t bring his work home with him this time; I’ll have a hell of a job hiding the thermo-nuclear device he’s robbed off the MOD. Him and his bleeding research.”
“He’s a genius that lad. He’ll go far.”
“Not far enough, sometimes.”
“You’d think he’d made enough the last time he organised that military coup.”
“Yeah, I wish he’d give his entrepreneurial compulsion a rest.”
Interior, number 13:
“Have you finished those tax returns yet, we haven’t been out for two months now. People are getting the idea we’ve become a cult. I heard the other night some folks calling you a stupid cult.”
“Aw, lay off will ya, you’ll be able to laugh at them and hold your head up when you tell em you’ve completed your forms, while they’re still  flummoxing over theirs.”
Anterior, number 22:
“How much longer will we be caught in this fold in the fabric of time?”
“Shut your noise. If we emerge back in to the regular, episodic reality of the present too quickly, you’ll end up looking like something akin to a bad botox job. You know how horrific they can be.”
“Yes, but I’m not getting any younger, even though we’ve been able to move
back in time.”
“Exactly, that’s because no matter how far back in time you go, the organic matter you are, still exists in its own time and deteriorates at exactly the same rate regardless of the time space continuum.”
“God, you and your theories. You know your tea’ll be ruined because of this.”
“I know but it’s only fish and chips, so it’s no great loss relative to the excitement of time travel.”
“Well, you’ve got me there.”
Just inside the Vitreous Enamel, another ne’er-do-well was turning up unexpectedly and surprising no-one.
Just outside the known universe, an alien was ‘saying’ the very same thing to a being with no particular form.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *