An Interview With… A Space Tourist – Issue 9

Editors: What did you do in space?
Spacey: Floated, mainly.
Eds: How did you occupy your time?
Spacey: Well, there’s no night life, so I had to make my own entertainment.
Eds: Yes, there’s actually no life at all as we know it in space, so how did you entertain yourself?
Spacey: I floated, then let my mind float. After a while – I think it was a while as time means nothing out there – I let my pound float, then my duck, then my model boat. Then after some more notional time, I tried my model spaceship, which, ironically, didn’t float. I also went to the bathroom in my suit.
Eds: Fascinating yet still distasteful. But what useful stuff have you learned in your time as a space tourist?
Spacey: Well, mainly that space is vast and mostly empty. And you cannot get any sun, and the service is slow. The servants merely float around expecting you to serve yourself.
Eds: So, as vacuous as your wealth and fame. But has the experience changed you in any worthwhile way at all?
Spacey: Deeply. I now treat my life with more gravity than before…
Eds: But not the lives of others.
Spacey: Precisely. Yet I still maintain that since the universe and space are too vast for me to see myself, I must continue to pursue my own interests and take others lives with frivolous contempt.
Eds: Was there anything that disappointed you whilst in space.
Spacey: Yes, the poor reception on Satellite TV. They hardly talked about me at all. After all, I do own a significant number of the channels. It must be out of sight out of mind. Or too busy with earthbound trials and tribulations, I suppose.
Eds: Exactly. Thank you, Lord Beaver-Dam for filling this space and at least you kept my coffee hot.

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