Those Daft Soap Suds (Issue 3)

Standing outside the Vitreous Enamel was Percy Cution’s luxury coach, waiting for the usual guilt-trip, well patronised as it always was and would be, by the residents of the Oval.

“Oh, Gawd, it’s a self-drive. That means one of us can’t have a jar or twenty. Oh, it’s all my fault.” explained Barb Surplice – the one-time soap queen and nun, ringing her hands and washing clean her tortured soul.
“You must do it, ‘though I feel terrible about not being able to drive, even though I’ll enjoy a drink.” retorted Posa Barr

“What about your liver?”“I’ll have it later with some onions.”

The next ones to board were the chemical brothers, looking shady and yet oozing charisma as well as scraping their knuckles on the carpeted aisle.

“I see they’re all ready here.” said Olive Lamp between gritted teeth.
“They’ve got more to feel guilty about than most.” replied Vera. Then she turned to another yellow-looking woman and barked out: “You not coming, Yamac?”

“No, I’ve got a long lost relative coming to stay indefinitely and he’s up to no good, I’ll be bound.” hissed Lil Cream
“Where’s your Sunlight?”
“She’s going back to RADA to act out her grief; besides, she ‘as nuffink to feel guilty about.”
“Is your Rod not coming?”
“Nope, ‘e’s been struck by lightning again. That last storm we ‘ad; struck five times ‘e were.”
“Always were a good conductor.”
“Cud ‘a been at the Halbert ‘All.”

The bus pulled away eventually with a growing murmur of self-reproach drowning out the coughing engine. It was going to be the best yet.

None of them saw the trail of oil coming from the underside of the vehicle, and none could anticipate the tragedy that awaited them just
outside the studio.


Earlier that Christmas Eve: Sunlight, in her grief turns her misconceived
attentions to the other Emin brother and Frew Saga is investigated by the police who believe he may have killed off any interest in the soap.

Meanwhile, Charlie Cheek is given an award for best employer of the year; he employed 366 people in the last tax year, on 365 separate occasions. He even employed the same person twice in the same day, not recognising them from morning till afternoon.
“It’s a changin’ world. “ Charlie is fond of saying.

Meanwhile a man in a red suit with white trim, carrying a large sack is being bundled into the back of a van.

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