I want to know why no matter how vigorous I am with an hoe, the earth only moves in one direction. I wouldn’t mind so much but it’s always the opposite direction to the one I want it to go in.
Also, when I talk to my plants they never listen; I can tell because they always contract and change colour before I’ve had chance. If you can’t help I’ll have to attend the next edition of Gardener’s Question Time, and you know what that means?
Yours in green,
Bill O. Wrights
I’m really worried about the treatment of Lil in the Ethics Girls. It seems unfair to constantly reject all of her culinary efforts just so the others can take the moral high ground: even Lil has fillings, like the rest of us.
Could you pass the enclosed letter and latticed apple pie to her as I want to voice my support for the poor love. If I see that Mavis, I’ll give her a piece of my rock cake; that’ll fettle her.
Mr Biddy Biddy