Q: Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
A: To get to the second-hand shop!
Q: What does a cow eat for breakfast?
Q: What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: You can roast beef!
Q: Why all the corny jokes?
A: To put you in a seasonal mood for Issue 3 of our exclusive little mag, which this month is our bumper Christmas number!
Now I know what your first question is going to be and the answer, surprisingly, is yes, my parents were very proud of me. Your second question will probably be along the lines of: how do you keep so young-looking? Sooner or later, though, you’ll get round to asking: why a Christmas edition in October? Well, primarily because my fellow editor and I are not bound by the rules of convention. We thought it might be a scenic diversion from the well-trodden path of conformity.
Secondly, it’s October and that means summer is almost over. Most of you will have returned from holiday, packed away your straw donkey and, as we speak, you’ll be watching your tan fade from Judith Chalmers orange, to David Dickinson brown, to Michael Jackson white. With the exception of one or two final lurches into the high seventies, the days are getting cooler and descending into the misty stillness of autumn. What better time to remind ourselves that the season of goodwill is almost in attendance. Eat, drink and be wary, more to borrow, glee’s nigh. Yes! In just four standard-length months it’ll be Christmas, and to celebrate, we’re including in this month’s issue our special bumper seasonal pull-out!
We’ve everything you need to supplement your annual overindulgence.
When you’ve had enough of that big, fat, bandylegged bird you picked up at the butcher’s, send her back into the kitchen to wash-up and reach for our Christmas special. For the traditionalist, there are jokes, puzzles, fun facts and our original, full-length Christmas story, guaranteed to put you in the festive spirit whatever the time of year.
For those of you with a sugar-free outlook on the Yule, try our updated versions of those traditional Christmas carol classics, telling it like it is behind the fairy lights and baubles.
In addition, of course, you’ve still got your regular monthly visit to all your young favourites. Catch up with Those Ethics Girls as they ponder another moral question of the day; Mr Adrian Clark’s awakening continues, as does Sharkey’s, our Great White Tope; matters at The Vitreous Enamel take a turn for the obvious; and our chest is lightened a little more with another Fifth Column rant. And in amongst all that, we’ve thrown in our usual smattering of odd items (our sixpences in the plum duff!) that we hope will entertain and amuse.
So, pick up, sit back, read and enjoy. As Robert Louis Stevenson said: “There’s nothing like a little judicious levity.”