COVER STORY: NOW YOU SEE US, THE CLOUDS HAVE GONE It used to be the case that if the authorities deemed you a ‘person of interest’ (a little insulting as
December 2013: As yet another year steams, apparently unstoppably, towards its conclusion, we should, perhaps, take a moment to reflect on those who, through no fault of their own, failed
We may be hamsters, we may be ants, we may even be budgerigars but something I know we’re not are songbirds. Particularly on mornings of any climatic description but more
SONG OF THE WEST KEEP SHTUM AND DUTIFUL KEEP YOUR FOCUS ON THE DUTIFUL ABANDON ALL THAT’S BEAUTIFUL IF YOU WANT TO BE USED WHAT’S WISE ABOUT OUR DEMISE NOT
The Man who mistook a Toaster for his Wife A story by Pat McConnell Distinguished colleagues, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome you to the Brighton Psychiatric Society
IF LIFE IS ONLY A GAME THEN PARAPHRASING IS AN EXTREME SPORT
RETURN OF THE TALKIES Mr Archibald Type has just regained his voice after two decades of mutism. Scientists are still baffled by his previous condition as there has never been
THE STRANGE PHENOMENON OF BRIGHT AS A BUTTON Don’t ask me how, or when, it happened but I was born with self-awareness. I can remember staring down at the nub
|Issue 23 Latest Features:|
COVER STORY: NOW YOU SEE US, THE CLOUDS HAVE GONE
It used to be the case that if the authorities deemed you a ‘person of interest’ (a little insulting as I always thought I was interesting) and, therefore, someone they felt they should track, they had to employ the services of a couple of doughnut-eating agents in fawn trench coats (one of whom would, invariably, be killed in the second act) (read more)
December 2013: As yet another year steams, apparently unstoppably, towards its conclusion, we should, perhaps, take a moment to reflect on those who, through no fault of their own, failed to make it to this year’s New Year’s Eve party. Some will be seen no more, while a significant few took such a battering that they will take an age to recover. (read more)
THOSE ETHICS GIRLS
Mavis: So, ladies, all that remains is for us to sift through this pile of letters and choose the firms we would like to sponsor our little venture into the world of theatre.
Sheila: I’m not sure I’d use the word ‘like’, Mavis. I can’t see for the life of me why we need to provide businesses with a platform to peddle their wares. (read more)
WESTERN COUNTRIES’ MUSIC
The latest US concert by the legendary Ken Lee Rogered has been cancelled by authorities. The authorities objected to what they called subversive lyrics and said that he is lucky that they no longer round up communists like in the fifties. (read more)
SPOT THE DEFERENCE
NO ORDINARY JOE
Though travelling strangers
I miss him as a familiar
even my uncertain step
It’s no Occident? You know how so many folks are being held responsible for what we, in the old days of rambunctious fun and excitement, used to call accident, well, I’ve just opened a new can of worms. (read more)
The Meekstone Wallflowers X1
An extremely rare photograph of Meekstone Wallflowers, (read more)
We may be hamsters, we may be ants, we may even be budgerigars but something I know we’re not are songbirds. Particularly on mornings of any climatic description but more often spring and summer, when you round a corner and are assailed by…the happy whistler. ”(read more)
THE MAN WHO MISTOOK A TOASTER FOR HIS WIFE
A story by Pat McConnell (FOI)
Distinguished colleagues, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome you to the Brighton Psychiatric Society and our special guest lecturer tonight, Professor Theodore Smith, Emeritus Professor of Pluralistic Psychiatry at Oxford University.(read more)
OUR MAN IN HIATUS
Our fellow is in Quandary, a small place which is in a state of political and social flux.
The authorities have weekly meetings of the floating voter and their main public house is called The Filibuster. (read more)
INTERVIEW WITH GUY FAWKES
EDS: Buongiorno. Guido
GUY: No-one has called me that for hundreds of years.
EDS: Sorry, penny for your thoughts, Guy.
More tedious formulaic drivel in Drudge Dead, the bleak look at the near future. Soon the authorities will hire retired action-film stars to hunt down and slay unionised labour. (read more)
PHOENIX FROM THE RIVER
By Stacy LeVine
Our NYC Correspondent
Too soon for River Phoenix puns? Too bad. The phrase is apropos.
Prior to Hurricane Sandy, I had seen eighteen Alfred Hitchcock films. After thrice that day watching HBO’s The Girl (about “Hitch” and Tippi Hedren)—having seen The Birds many times, but never Marnie— (read more)
BATTLE OF THE CENTURY
by Sarah Gagliano (FOI)
The seventeenth century was all about conquering as the powerful English invaded and colonized nations. In the twenty-first century, the clash continues because English still invades: not the country of Great Britain, but rather the language. (read more)
Part The Second of TWELFTH FIGHT finds Frank, our hero in the Bath House. He’s taking time to rid himself of the dust of the trail. Spending a penny or two getting all the accoutrements of cleansing his tired body and soul. (read more)
We’re at Loin End, a small province of Brisket for the annual celebration of calving. This is a ceremony undertaken to mark the coming of middle-age that entails the grazing of the calves of the male or female on their fortieth birthday. (read more)
JOS BITUMEN ARCHIVE WINDOW
Remarkably some of Jos’s middle-aged poetry harkened back to a time of besotted love and harsh awakenings to realities proffered by others at his expense.
RHEUMY WITH A VIEW
Your hair was as soft as a cloud (read more)
SCENE FROM THE 21ST CENTURY
A dimly lit room somewhere way short of the rainbow, way down low. The eco-friendly bulb finally lights up the immediate area wherein we see a thin, gaunt figure at a desk, scratching away at a parchment, muttering to himself. (read more)
THOSE ETHICS GIRLS (ISSUE 7)
Mavis: Hi, Sheila, hello Lil. Sorry, I didn’t stop to bring anything, I just got here as quickly as I could. How is she?
THE MAN WHO LOOKED UP – ISSUE 1
Mr Adrian Clark is an excellent worker. His manager says so, his colleagues say so, his family say so and his wife says so. Therefore, it must be true. And it is. He is never late and has not taken a single day off work with sickness in the two years that he has been employed at the Bank. (read more)
A prime example of political rhetoric from one of the ruling elite. Lest we forget, for fact’s sake!
AN INTERVIEW WITH JUDAS ISCARIOT – ISS. 4
Eds: “Hello, Mr Iscariot”
Judas: “Just call me J.”
Eds: “How was it for you” (read more)
PUB TALK – THE WRITERS AND EDITORS (MP3)
THOSE DAFT SOAP SUDS – ISSUE 1
Down at THE VITREOUS ENAMEL, landlady and would-be owner, Olive Lamp, and her closest friend, Vera were wringing their hands in despair. (read more)
CHRISTMAS SONGS FOR NONE OF THE FAMILY – ISSUE 8
Away in a meeting
A manager does sway (read more)
A CONVENIENT LIE – ISSUE 10
An article by John D Hill
Government backed scientists are concerned about the effect our lifestyles are having on the sun.
The sun is a huge ball of fire, several thousand feet across and located a few miles away in space. (read more)